Kinks; sexual activities that society considers out of the norm(cut me a lil slack but that’s a loose definition).
Defining what is socially acceptable often means excluding cultures/subcultures where many of these kinks live. One thing I really enjoy about exploring subcultures is the chance you get to have to create community and explore kinks in healthy ways. When you also look at kinks the variation of pleasure is wide. It’s so dependent on the person and what gets them there.
Some of the more common kinks we see most in porn are BDSM, impact play (spanking), and role playing. Others that are not so common are things like golden showers, enema play, Japanese bondage, electro play or shocking, dom(me)s, age play, wax play, limit setting....the list goes on and on. The common theme here is that when we are thinking of kinks there is an amplified and recognizable desire in a person for that certain expression of sex. Being spanked, calling your partner daddy...these are expressions of sex or acts that are not “normal”. But guess what? “Normal” sex can be considered a kink by some too and is called being vanilla. 😂 point here is, there is a lot you can do to be kinky...
When I think about what exploring kinks looks like in a healthy way; I think consulting someone in the subculture (i.e. experienced dominatrix or visiting a dungeon in town), asking experienced people or talking to your partners about ways you may engage in the behavior are a great way to start. It’s important I think too to recognize when to hold space for these interactions. As with sex in general use “play time”, or whatever you choose to call it, this is YOUR time to explore. Having this distinct space creates more safety in play and an openness. In addition to that, it’s very helpful to look into literature on the kink that’s caught your eye.
As with any sexual practice I really recommend you self-reflect to be sure you understand where this new modality of pleasure is coming from. Is it healthy, therapeutic, damaging, or otherwise? If you can’t really understand why also recognize that. Unsafe exploration can feel or look like, feeling claustrophobic or feeling too exposed, feeling worthless/humiliated, feeling unsafe or being afraid of your partner (even in a play context),physical marks, pain, certain types of pain, pain in certain places, pain past a certain level of intensity and triggers – anything that reminds you of a past traumatic event. So be aware of what your personal limits are!
Here’s a great book on Kink culture that I enjoyed: The Color of Kink: Black Women, BDSM and Pornography. You can find it on Amazon ;).
As always have fun,
“So what you into??”