I have been thinking so much about the terms we agree to when we decide to have labels on relationship and ourselves. Do they hold meaning? What weight do they have on our hearts?
I recently met a French traveler in my air BNB. We spend mornings and nights eating meals and talking about love, relationship, and our pasts. In this interaction I have been surprised to hear what the meaning of monogamy has to him. It seems to mean tradition. In so many senses our society revels in tradition. It feels safe, secure, but more than that it has reason. When we can cling to reason there is less room for doubt. There is more to love than tradition for him though and in many aspects we look as love in the same exact way. It means freedom to be himself, freedom to make mistakes and freedom to grow.
While I have value in tradition, I have issue with limitations. I find myself wanting freedom in all aspects of my life and love, is the overwhelming aspect. I want to fall in love with people whenever the opportunity presents. I mean this in such an honest way, I’m not out here looking to fawn over everyone I see but I find that love in my life is something I want in bounty. I want to be able to reflect on deep connections, knowing I made the most of them for what they were to me rather than walking away due to obligation to a label I’ve given myself.
I want to expand into my realms of my being that are placed far away from jealousy, hate, fear, etc. I think he and I are the same in that we are free but I also find myself reflecting on how I don’t hold many labels in life.
So then, can we identify with things that make us feel secure while allowing us to have the most choice? Can we choose what a label looks like for us in our lives? When we say to ourselves, I am (gay, straight, bi, etc.) I am choosing to be monogamous or non-monogamous…Are we free to choose the shape of that identity?
I think the answer is, absolutely. I believe that within partnerships we have the ability to communicate our needs of freedom, choice, and discretion and if we are with a person that loves us in an organic way, we will be able to foster a spirit of happiness and love that allows us to expand.
In my current state of being, I am choosing not to be set on categorizing my relationships or sexuality. I am living in moments of being present and seeing where it takes me. There is a immatureness that exisists in our society surrounding the ownership of a person in relationship. I often hear from people that they feel extreme jealousy when a partner seems to express intrest in others or worry that they may be starting to drift. These insecurities are formed by lack of self love, an overwhelming societal pressure of ownership and negative views on relationship. When we begin to free our hearts of those pressures, we can start to hold space for more than those negative emotions. We can begin to reshape what we define as labels.
Next post will be on vacation sex...stay tuned for some fun, sweat, and sun.
Labels, Relationships, and Limitations