My ideas this week are around: Dating multiple people, expressing the want and finding partners that are open to the idea.
Let’s first define polyamory using the standard definition: polyamory is the practice of, or desire for, intimate relationships, with the informed consent of all partners involved. It is often described as “ consensual, ethical, and responsible non-monogamy.
Woof, a mouth full! And also one definition that can obviously vary quite a bit if you’re talking about personal ethics and mindset around what being responsible means. For myself, the way its been pursued openly is, I state on my dating profile what all i’m looking for, that I am polyamorous and that I am very open. I generally will go on a first date with someone and explain my choice and allow them to then to have a choice. This is the biggest part of dating openly, autonomy. Not everyone needs to be lovers with each other, nor do they even ever need to meet, but information should be given to them in order to keep a true level of consent there for all parties and also ensure your sexual practices remain safe.
I’ve been dating multiple partners for over a year now and have found is really a second nature for me. Part of the reason I’ve decided to pursue polyamory was because well, I wasn’t fully satisfied in any of my partnerships. I always found myself putting pressure on significant others to do or deliver more of my needs that may not have been a reality for them at that time or ever. I was also in a different place mentally throughout each partnership and I do believe it had to do with my personal circumstance but then reaching a space of freedom within myself, I was able to reflect and say I like having multiple partners, I enjoy being pursued in multiple ways, and I find it pleasurable to know many people that I can be intimate with in some capacity. I began to feel less of a need for my partner in front of me to deliver all my wants, knowing that I may meet someone else who can show up for me in that way.
The levels of relationships in my life currently are all so different. I do not have a primary partner(s). My definition of a primary is a long term partner that either is making long term plans with me, or is a person I spent a majority of my time and space with. I do have however two people I am dating at the moment, casually. I recognize that I want to see growth in the way these multiple relationships form for me over time. I have the desire to have multiple longterm partnerships. Cultivating that not only takes time, it takes the dedication to know and deal with people in very real ways.
My mindset is that, I must have grace with the people I pursue in knowing they cannot meet all of my needs as a dynamic individual. I can express my needs to them and they can offer what is available to them but it is unfair to assume that one person be EVERYTHING to me, this pressure to please in the past has led me to disappointment and anger. Jealously occurs for me, but not near as often as it did when I was monogamous. I have felt more open now that I pursue my own dating relationships freely, to see how it can benefit other partners.
It’s a learning process everyday and often challenges me to be more accepting of others needs, which I enjoy. It’s not a perfect fit for everyone and when we address the biggest challenges, aside from jealousy, we start to explore societal concepts of relationship and how we fit into them. I know I’m choosing something that isn’t the norm and that is not a fit for us all. I respect people who choose monogamy and can find their versions of everything with one partner and think that is beautiful.
Thats I have for now. Do you, be free and have great sex PLEASE!!