“You’re like a thick Amber Rose…” - Every unimaginative human ever
Size comparison and analyzation happens to each of us. While it affects us in many different aspects of our lives, I wanted to explore the one I feel most comfortable talking about which is how it feels while dating or looking to explore sexual partnership. America’s dating culture has successfully accepted the idea that value is based on appearance and all my chubby,tall ass really feels is...SMDH. This idea also begins to enter our sexual preferences, sexualization of certain bodies and ideas around value in respect to size. I want to talk about my own experience in dating by starting to think about how it’s been negative/positive for me and how it informs my personal experiences.
“I can’t handle all of that.”- Random Tinder bro
I found the most common, and this may come from their personal insecurities, is men stating that they aren’t going to be able to “handle me”.They feel like theyʼre not enough whether they mean in that in terms of height, strength or penis size. Our society has successfully perpetuated the idea that having a bigger penis makes you more worthy or wanted, which is a falsity. Let’s explore other aspects of pleasure outside of penetrative sex! Open the doors to all your freaky ass thoughts and if you’re self-conscious about size...get some toys for your play time. We need to start thinking more about how we are treating people in new relationships, how societal views encroach upon our thoughts around dating and how we are approaching people of different body types. Is it with indifference, enthusiasm, love? How do we want others to look at our bodies?
“Damn, how tall are you?”- Basic ass white boy
When youʼre dating and you’re tall it can be frustrating because you get this idea imparted on you that youʼre not allowed to have partners that are smaller than you. You constantly get asked your height with no reason other than to be evaluated for preference or preconceived notions that person has about height. The other side of this is the way friends or others perceive height. 99% of the time when describing a new partner we mention their height. Why do we do this? The need to pursue a partner that is as tall or taller than you, while sometimes is unconscious, is something that our society continues to perpetuate through ads, media, memes, and most social networking to name a few. Comments like “if heʼs 5’8” or under, heʼs a friend.” While they might be funny at the time, these comments continue to build the barrier for people who don’t meet that standard. In addition to this being a generally sexist idea It solidifies the validity of a person’s power through height. We miss out on other aspects of their personality or being through this judgement process. Let’s break that down!! Because honestly it’s only serving us to be more separated from experiences.
When we start to look at our perceptions or stereotypes of peoples bodies we can start to see that there are other ways to receive pleasure. Explore what sex looks like outside of those vanilla ass limitations. You can really get into the depth of what pleasure means and what it is to have sexual interactions that can change your damn life. When I think about sex with different body types, I think of boundaries, I think of their past experiences, what seems fun for the person. I then recognize my own boundaries and limitations. Don’t focus so much on penetrative sex only, explore other modalities of sexual experience and you can let go of certain body types meeting internal standards.
Iʼve had the most wonderful experiences with partners that fell outside of what people “thought I would date” ie mostly men shorter than me which was so interesting to me because for years I didn’t allow myself to be open to dating smaller or shorter people...out of fear of what others might think. SO lame and limiting! People often do this with other body types as well. The biggest thing is these partners weren’t trying to prove anything to me. They showed up for themselves and they were being present with me. They gave my body what they thought it deserved, which was to be taken care of. The thing is, short or tall...skinny or fat...if someone respects, lusts and wants to please you...THEY WILL. Allowing that space to happen is up to our own minds.
Size does matter. It matters in the ways you allow it to, how confident the other person is in life in their own sexuality and body. Enjoy the people you come across, be open to new body types, and accept that not everyone has to be your type but you don’t know until you try.
Does size matter?